Thirteen years ago right now, I was waiting. It was a few days after this that I underwent a procedure that would determine if I was going to be a mother or not. I was driving in to Toronto from just south of Barrie, Ontario every morning before 9am to have blood drawn and ultrasounds done. On the 14th and 15th of May that year, I underwent IUI (intrauterine insemination).
A few weeks later, I finally found out that I was pregnant.
Since then, my life has totally changed. Since my oldest daughter was born in February of 2001, I have been “Mommy”, or more recently, “Mom.” Four and a half years later, my other daughter arrived, after another round of fertility treatments. Then, in the best surprise of our lives, only thirteen months later, our first son arrived. Our family was completed in April of 2009, when our youngest son joined us.
I was an only child (with two – much younger – half brothers who lived thousands of miles away), and now after all of the earlier uncertainty, I am the mom of four children. I live in chaos. My house is never tidy. By the time I run the dishwasher, the sink is full of dishes again. I mop the floors, only to have muddy footprints come through, or a new batch of dog hair all over within hours (if I’m lucky.) The laundry is never ending. Getting to watch what I want on television is a rare occurrence. I spend my days driving to swimming lessons, to ballet, to karate.
I break up fights. I put kids back to bed for the tenth time. I look for lost assignments and library books. I watch the same episode of “Super Why” fourteen times.
I think I have probably changed about 10,000 diapers. At least.
I get handmade gifts for my birthday, for Christmas, and for Mother’s Day, and sometimes just because. And I love every single one of them. I am given bouquets of dandelions. I go and see presentations at school, and I cry a little bit every single time.
I get hugs and kisses on a regular basis. I read stories and sing silly songs at bedtime. I kiss boo-boos, and sometimes I say, “Suck it up.”
I hear about mean kids, and best friends. I hear about boyfriends and girlfriends – so far, only other people’s, but I know that day is coming. I hear about the gardening club, the choir, the school trips, and math tests.
Sometimes I have to give up things that I want to do because it conflicts with things that they want to do. Sometimes I’m so exhausted at the end of the day that I wonder how I can ever get up the next day and do it all again. Sometimes I want to hide in a closet, or run far, far away. Sometimes I yell more than I should. Sometimes I give in, even when I know that I shouldn’t, just because I can’t argue anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I don’t drink more.
But in all the chaos, there is nothing better than seeing my kids play together, laugh together, and love each other.
My heart is full. I don’t need a day to tell me how blessed I am. I live it every day.