Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the universe just won’t hand you what you want. In fact, sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the universe not only doesn’t hand you what you want, it hands you things that you think there’s no way you can possibly handle. Then it shovels on some more.
I want to be a positive person. In fact, it bothers me when I sound all “negative Nelly” – or “Cynical Cyn” as it were. In some ways, I am a completely blessed person. I know I won the kid lottery: four healthy, beautiful, smart kids whom I just pray I can keep safe and healthy. I have a husband who has loved me, and put up with my crap, for over seventeen years (fifteen years married, next month.) I have a roof over my head, and food to eat.
But sometimes, I guess, you just have to allow yourself a bit of a wallow, as long as you don’t let it go on too long. It has been a rough few years. The roof over our heads has been in a precarious position sometimes over the past three years. Sometimes I wondered where the food we eat was going to come from, even though we’ve never really gone hungry. In the past week, my laptop hard drive crashed (thankfully covered under warranty and only recently backed-up); our car repair bill was almost twice as much as I had assumed it would be; and I didn’t end up getting a writing gig that I thought would be perfect for me, for which I had been short-listed. I was one of three, out of sixty initial applicants, to get that far. I should be proud, and I am, but damn… sometimes the weight of everything piling on your shoulders can just make you droop, can’t it?
I’m not allowing my wallow to go on any longer. I can’t. I will drag myself out of this muck. I will keep writing – err… get back to writing – and keep slowly plugging away at publicity. I have never been any good at “selling myself” so this is hard for me. But there will be a breakthrough at some point. I cannot believe anything else. Because eventually, the universe IS going to hand me what I asked for, and it’s going to be awesome!
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